Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
