It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I intend to get homeless drunk
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
