It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
