3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
