I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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