Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
