My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
