everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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