I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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