I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
