We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just found a bag of teeth...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Randomize
