We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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