you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I yelled at your uterus for you.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
