This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
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