was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
