We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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