Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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