why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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