You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
