My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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