I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
