do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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