You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
