Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize