My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
