one two three fourrrrnication!
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I lost the right to judge tonight
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
