My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize