The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
