You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I can't put those talents on a resume
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
