my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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