Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
