If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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