Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I supernannyed him into submission
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
