So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
How's work?
Spinning.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
