chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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