so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
