3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
