thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
