we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
