there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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