dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
