i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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