umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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