Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
