My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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