you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
