I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Your cock deserves a montage
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
