New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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