NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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