He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You can't just leave with hair like that
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I love you. Go after that dick
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
