You really coming over, don't trick.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
How external is "for external use only"?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
