"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
