Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
