you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
