Say something about gay babies.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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