Jerry, you need to find god
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize