ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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