I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
