where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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