hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
