Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
