you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
drinking out of a sandbucket again
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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