I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
