Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
