And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
