I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
If I had your ass I would rule the world
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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